The Function Name Hall of Shame: Round Four



  1. // Not for any other reason except it’s just a fun thing to do
    const bool OpenReadClose();
  2. // I think that you’re only using ‘_’ to make yourself look more important
    // in the eyes of the kernel
    char* Read_Whole_File(name);
  3. // Simple and to the point
    void DoEverything();
  4. // I’m gonna go out on a limb here…but you probably don’t need
    // a whole function dedicated to that
    int RemoveAllCarriageReturns(line);
  5. // Pack your bags…we’re going to Hollywood!
    void Producer_Offer(…);

Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.

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The Function Name Hall of Shame: Round Three



The previous lists can be found here and here.

  1. // Apparently we have given up on using enums or arrays
    // or other products of common sense (On a side note…sOriginPoint?!?)
    const string DecodeBoolean(const bool bBoolean)
    {
    string sOriginPoint = (bBoolean) ? “TRUE” : “FALSE”;
    return sOriginPoint;
    }
  2. // Whatever excuse is made to justify calling it, the answer is still “no”
    bool EnsureFunctionIsCalled()
    {
    bool bSuccess = true;
    return bSuccess;
    }
  3. // I’m lost now, and I need GPS
    void LoadPreLoadMapForPostUnloadProcessStep(…)
  4. // Well, yeah, it would only be one of them…but that still doesn’t explain what
    // a return value of ‘True’ means…

    const bool RealErrorOrNotError(string& sMessage)
  5. // Personally, I like my programming to be a little more decisive
    void SetIsHashableIsMayBeHashable(string& sIsHashable)

Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.

The Function Name Hall of Shame: Round Two



The previous list can be found here:

  1. NOTE: I don’t think this means what he thinks this means…
    private bool EvaluateSimplePhrase(a, b, c, d, e, f, g)
  2. NOTE: Is that possible outside of a trailer park?
    public bool AreChildrenParents(…)
  3. NOTE: Shouldn’t that return more than just a bool?
    public bool GetTransactionSeqAndInitialJobCharacteristics(…)
  4. NOTE: Sounds illegal, if you ask me
    private int InsertChildrenIntoParents()
  5. NOTE: You’re right…an informative message isn’t necessary. Just the ObjectID will do.
    public void LogObjectID(objectID)

Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.

Bad Programmer Pickup Lines: Menage a Trois



The previous lists are found here and here.

  1. I had planned to go home and create a whole new mod of Minecraft…but after checking you out, I’m only in the mood to craft something inside your mine.
  2. From what I can see, there’s no need to cast you to anything else, honey. You’re just my type.
  3. I wouldn’t mind calling the peek method on that stack.
  4. Girl, the way that you move those hips…all I can think about is where I’d like to redirect my streams.
  5. I don’t mind a girl who commits faults from time to time. In fact, you can dump your core on my lap anyday.
  6. They could create a whole new font based on that body…and they’d call it Heavenica.
  7. I wish that I had access to your database schema; you’re wearing a few things that I’d like to drop.
  8. Just so you know, I’m pretty good with my hands, and I like to help when I can. Mind if I open up that case of yours and flip your dip switch for you?
  9. How about you and I play a game of Scrum poker? In this case, though, it’s strip Scrum poker…and we’re estimating how long before we’re both naked.
  10. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stop admiring your lady lumps. They’re so perfect that they even make the “round()” method jealous.
  11. So which algorithm should we use first: merge sort…or insertion sort?

Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.