If politicians are aiming for more kids to code through efforts like Code.org, they’re gonna need to connect with them. And what better way to connect with them than through pop culture?

1. USING CONTAINERS
   
   var DuggarFamily = new List();

   while (DuggarFamily.size() < 19)
   {
   var NewKid = new Person();
   DuggarFamily.Add(NewKid);

   if ((DuggarFamiliy.size() % 3) == 0)
NewKid.getsMolested();
}


2. MANIPULATING “BITS”
   
   int IsMale = 1;
   var BruceJenner = new Person(IsMale);

   if (BruceJenner.Age == 65)
BruceJenner.Male ^= BruceJenner.Male;


3. DEMONSTRATING LOCKS
   
   int nButtSmacks = 0;
   var oChristianGrey = new Person();
   object oAnaSteele = new object();

   lock (oAnaSteele)
{
Monitor.Enter(oAnaSteele);
Interlocked.Add(ref nButtSmacks, 3);
}


4. SWITCH STATEMENTS
   
   int CurrentYear = getCurrentYear();
   string DisneyDirtyGirl = “”;

   switch(CurrentYear)
   {
   case 2007:
   DisneyDirtyGirl = SluttyConversion(“Britney Spears”);
   break;

   case 2013:
   DisneyDirtyGirl = SluttyConversion(“Miley Cyrus”);
   break;

   case 2016:
   DisneyDirtyGirl = SluttyConversion(“Bella Thorne”);
   break;

   default:
DisneyDirtyGirl = SluttyConversion(“Ariel”);
break;
}


Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.

Get that something special for the beloved developer in your life.

1. For your C# sweetheart: A box of delicious “nugets”. (Important note: any groaning will be interpreted as laughter.)
2. For your C++ sweetheart: An empty box of condoms, because there’s nothing better than a lack of protection.
3. For your Java sweetheart: A box of inch-thick condoms, because there’s nothing better than a ridiculous abundance of protection.
4. For your Swift sweetheart: A set of roleplaying costumes for bedroom fun, including a set of emoticon masks and a dildo in the shape of an upside-down table.
5. For your PHP sweetheart: A 12-hour package of psychological counseling, in order to deal with the constant ridicule from non-PHP developers.

Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.