Get that something special for the beloved developer in your life.

1. For your C# sweetheart: A box of delicious “nugets”. (Important note: any groaning will be interpreted as laughter.)
2. For your C++ sweetheart: An empty box of condoms, because there’s nothing better than a lack of protection.
3. For your Java sweetheart: A box of inch-thick condoms, because there’s nothing better than a ridiculous abundance of protection.
4. For your Swift sweetheart: A set of roleplaying costumes for bedroom fun, including a set of emoticon masks and a dildo in the shape of an upside-down table.
5. For your PHP sweetheart: A 12-hour package of psychological counseling, in order to deal with the constant ridicule from non-PHP developers.

Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.