When API Documentation Is So Bad that It’s Good

Web Method

Post some data to another piece of data (i.e., “data data”), which will be related to some other data. You know…the other data. You’re not confused with all this ambiguity, are you?
Notes: In order to be less confusing, we will now refer to the other data as “Smegma Lite”. If you are posting data related to Smegma Lite, please notice that there are other related parameters which are not mentioned here. Learn more in the “Smegma Lite: Why Do I Need to Read a Fucking Manual About This Mundane Concept” guide.

Request URL


Required Level Name Type Description
Required DataType string The type of the data. (Honestly, if you actually needed that, you’re better off sticking a handgun up your ass and pulling the trigger.)
Required Data string You need this, too? And you survived after my last instruction? Okay, now put the gun to your head.
Mostly Required DataId string It identifies the data. On a side note, if it’s empty, the default value is assumed to blank. What does that mean? Who the hell knows. Maybe it wipes out the entire database. Do I look like I care? I’m writing these docs while I’m huffing paint.
Sometimes Required SubmitterID Int It may or may not be required…I’ll get back to you later on that. If it’s not specified, the default value is 590091134. (Upside down, that does not spell “Hell Boobs”, it spells “He’ll Boo BS”. You’re so immature. I just don’t get you anymore.)
Optional guestName string If the submitter is a guest user, then this field is Required…which means it isn’t Optional…hmmm…
Quasi-Optional guestAlias string But if the submitter is a guest user and the guest name is only one word, then this field is Required and the guestName field should be omitted…which means it isn’t Optional and it isn’t Required.
Superposition-Optional guestNameAlias string If the submitter is a guest user and the guest name is both one word and more than one word at the same time, use this field. This isn’t confusing yet, is it? Because it’s pretty simple stuff, moron.
Required for Some Data and Not for Data that Isn’t Some Data dataSynopsis string If your user account allows a synopsis for data and if your data is related to Smegma Lite and if your guestName comes to a Scrabble score of 50 and if you blew the bridge on Wednesday, then you are allowed to post graphic pornography to your account. As for the ‘dataSynopsis’ parameter, you can always use it. That’s a given. Duh.


…and if you think that any documentation resembling this format passes as adequate, you should be deemed a pariah and removed from society by being banished to the new edition of the show Naked and Afraid, which will take place in a nearby asteroid belt.

Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.

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