2.) Start to create JSFiddle examples as substitutes for your blog posts and convince hipsters that “they need to catch up”.
4.) When that asshat down the hall wants to “inspect” (a.k.a., “copy”) your code yet again, be sure to be a team player and give it to him…just be sure to run it through UrlEncode right before you do. If he asks you about it, tell him that you’re “l33t” and that’s how you code.
5.) Recommend HostTracker to your less tech-savvy relatives, telling them that it will protect their Facebook page like a junkyard dog and will call the cops on anyone who unfriends them.
6.) Install Fiddler onto the computer of your boss without him being aware. One day, launch it and proceed to convince him that it’s a monitoring tool planted onto his machine by the NSA. If he just gives you $20K, a gun, free hardware, and 2 months of vacation, you’ll be able and willing to put a stop to it.
7.) Play pranks on friends, asking them to help debug HTTP Posts which come to your web site. Using MailHooks, make sure that any Post ends up calling emergency services, so that your friends end up swatting themselves.
8.) Reroute your network configuration so that all addresses point to Necrohost.
Peter Bolton is the author of Blowing the Bridge: A Software Story and has also been known to be a grumpy bastard on occasion.